Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I really wish it wasn't him that died. I raised him from a bottle baby... he would follow me around everywhere and he acted more like a person than a goat. I taught him how to eat grass and not to be scared of the dog (a lesson he never really learned too well). Before I had my human baby he was "my baby." When he was a couple months old I brought him to a preschool and let the kids bottle feed him. He just loved people. Even when he went into rut, I could still trust him, as he had the most gentle disposition of any buck I've ever met, especially when it came to humans. He never tried to be rough with me, the only time I had to worry was when I had treats in my hands because of course he would maul me for the treats! He was just as sweet as any doe (and often sweeter!). I'm so sad he had to go through this and that he had to die, but I guess I can't be too sad because at least I got to see him grow up and we'll probably keep both of his buckling kids from this past year. He probably also bred some does before he got paralyzed so hopefully he'll pass on his sweet disposition to more of our goats.
Rest in peace, Eclipse.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Do I care? Not really. I am a bit disappointed we won't get to see relatives- Christmas is generally the only time we get to see some of them- but this year, most came out for our wedding. So I'm thankful for that. Yes, I'll miss the Christmas dinner with my parents and siblings, and yes I dislike the fact that I'll have to go out and do chores in the cold on Christmas day! But overall, I'm content to just live my life the way I've been living it, to hold my son and my husband and cuddle on the couch with a movie and some popcorn.
Here's a poem that I can definitely relate to:
'Twas the day before Christmas, and all 'round my farm
all the chillun are stirring, just trying to get warm
It's time get firewood, and haul water in
there's chores to be done, 'fore breakfast begins
eggs need to be gathered, and hogs to be slopped
the toilet needs emptied, the chores never stop
then baked bread and fresh milk, we have for the day
the kids bundle up, the horses need hay
when chores they are done, we're all pretty beat
Dad pulls out the guitar, kids sit at his feet
Ma starts up good song, we sing and we dance
small presents are given, all made by our hands
then out to the barn, where we stable our sheep
a miracle happens, a new lamb is asleep
We stand in the darkness, surrounded by love
not much do we have, but a star shines above
We hold hands and we pray, thanks for our country life
Merry Christmas to all, and a homesteader good night!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
"Cousin Earl" about his redneck cousin
"Punk Rock Girl"
"The Methodist Coloring Book" comparing Christianity to a coloring book
The intro to "Bitchin Camero" which is pretty funny
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Now our dominant buck always keeps one eye on me, waiting for the opportunity to catch me off guard and ram me into the dirt. Today he found his opportunity, and rammed his big ol' horns into the back of my thigh while I was trying to knock the ice out of their water bucket in the barn. Let's just say, that if he would have hit my knee, I would be in the ER with broken bones. Luckily, I was dressed so heavily in winter gear, and he hit me high enough, that I walked away with my leg very bruised but intact.
If you're wondering what happened to this buck, I hit him upside the head with a hammer when he tried to do it again. Unfortunately, it didn't knock any sense into him and I'll probably have to do it again tomorrow. :( NOT looking forward to it!!!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Taevyn is slightly farsighted and has a slight stigmatism in his right eye, which is not significant enough to treat right now, but we'll go back in a year to see if it has gotten worse.
I'm still not really getting any sleep and Taevyn is still throwing up most of what he eats. I have to make an appointment to get that looked into. But one thing at a time, please!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
My son's Ophthalmologist appointment is next Monday in a town I've never driven to.
My car won't start, some electrical problem, I suspect the starter is dead. Hopefully if I get it fixed on Friday it'll be good by Monday???
My son is teething and has been fussing constantly.
We got another bill in the mail for $800, which we can't pay for.
I'm just sick of having no money. As soon as my car is fixed I'll probably look for a job, night shift so I won't have to pay for child care.
Oh, and I'm on the rag. >:( grrrrrrr
Friday, November 13, 2009
Due to bladder pain I'm not able to get much sleep even when Taevyn lets me get some. I just went to the doctor but was referred to a urologist. Don't know when that appointment will be. Until then I'm really too tired to do anything or concentrate or think. Sorry! No offense intended, I just can't focus right now. I'll be back later once I can get some sleep.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Despite all this, though, I've been working on new challenges. I've been more proactive with cooking meals, especially since I've had to cut out dairy. (One of my goals is to eat healthier) I got a new chore schedule up (the Dreaded Schedule dun dun duuuun!) which I really didn't want to do (because I thrive on chaos most of the time) but it's actually taking a load off my back because I don't have to think "OK what do I need to get done today?" I just look and see. :) Which comes in handy when my brain don't work so good due to sleep deprivation and being scattered and overloaded. Plus it gives me a feeling of accomplishment when I get my stuff done.
Also, I'm seriously considering adopting an older girl (around 10-13) from the foster system. (Say what?) :) We're not the kind of people who need to have given birth to a child in order to love them, and if there were a girl out there whose dream is to live on a farm with a stable family and younger siblings, then, well, we would be happy to make that dream a reality and gain another family member in the process. :) I guess I've been considering this for a while but never really had a clear picture in my head of what our family will look like, (How many kids should we have? At what ages? Biologically or adopted?) but it's slowly coming together.
The question is, can I handle it, with all the other things going on in my life? Who knows. I think it's something I want to do eventually, but I'm not sure what the timeline will be for this, if it happens. Adoption is a lengthy process in and of itself, so even if we started getting ready now, it'd still take a considerable time. I guess I just feel like we have a lot to offer a child, and of course my instinct never wants to wait. I have a feeling like I'm being "called" to this, though, and if I am, I'll know when it's time. I think I'll want to get the ball rolling and if it takes its time getting down the hill, I'll be OK with that.
Friday, October 30, 2009
I've decided to challenge myself, and work on getting the house organized (yet again!) for several reasons, the most prominent being if my house is organized, my natural tendency to clutter becomes less of an unholy disaster and more of a moderately disheveled but otherwise functioning atmosphere. The challenge lies not in the actual organization of the house, because I've already organized the house on 2 occasions- the first was when I was "nesting" and the second for my wedding. However the challenge lies in organizing the house such that I can be relaxed and myself (i.e. chaotic) within the system. Usually when I organize the house, the organization falls apart within a week or two because I'm just not capable of maintaining any sort of order and routine in my daily life (on a grand scale. I do just fine with specific things, for example diapers, that need to be in a certain place otherwise I can't find them.) So, that is my challenge. I'll succeed in my challenge when it's been 2 weeks post-organization and things are still where they "should" be.
But since this is a relatively boring post, I'm also throwing in some cute baby pictures. :) enjoy!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
So he is going through the typical teething symptoms... extreme fussiness, drooling, sticking his tongue out at odd angles, (sooo cute!) :) thumb sucking as if his life depended on it, crying for no reason, a low grade temperature, unable to get to sleep, etc... and I'm trying to stay sane amidst it all.
As if that wasn't enough, the goats got out into the neighbor's yard today (8 times!) so I had to chase them back in their pasture all day.
PLUS I needed to finish my catwoman costume... and did it despite all the chaos! I truly feel like superwoman.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Option 1: The Journey of Happy Child
A doll named Happy Child travels through the lives of several delusional characters. Found by an old woman, she becomes the child the woman never had. Discovered by struggling anthropology students, she gives them absurd clues to the origins of man. Given at last to a child, she becomes the nebulous of the child's paranoid delusions. An insane world, amusing dialog, and the occasional dark twist reveal the adventures and fate of a strange doll and her quirky compatriots.
Option 2: The Revenge of Rumplepunchkin
A foolish mistake leaves the once beauteous Rumplepunchkin hideous, deformed, and burning for revenge. To bring about his sinister plan he needs the unwitting help of a greedy king, his romantic son, and the oblivious daughter of an ambitious miller. Performed in the Commedia Dell'Arte style and filled to the brim with clever wit, silly antics, and amusingly sinful characters, this story is one hilarious and engaging comedy.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
My one regret, however, is that there seems to be no room in my life for martial arts anymore. I never feel more at peace with myself than when I am doing martial arts. It speaks to my soul as nothing else does. I am very saddened that this part of my life has to step aside to make way for the new developments, as worthwhile as the new developments are. Perhaps in the future I can start up again, but for now I occasionally mourn for a large piece of my life which has gone into hiding.
At the same time I know that my new blessings are what I should really be focusing on right now. My life, like so many things, goes in cycles, and right now my focus is on my family and my home. Perhaps the wheel will turn again someday and I will be able to again practice the martial arts... but not until I have drunk deeply in the revelation of being a mother. :)
There is no gift without sacrifice.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Yesterday I went out to fix the electric fence, and it took me 3 hours yesterday and 3 the day before to get it all done, and I was just doing patching work, not making any huge changes. We really need better fencing. But at least I was able to get it done enough to let the horses out of their yard into the pasture. I could definitely feel the "thank you!" vibes from them. :)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Technically, it's supposed to help prevent my son from getting sick, by preventing me from getting sick and passing it on to him. However, I breastfeed him, so it's beneficial to him if we both get sick at the same time. If I get the flu, antibodies produced in my body will be passed through the breastmilk to him, helping him combat the flu. If I get a flu shot, the antibodies from the shot don't pass through the breastmilk in strong enough quantities to help my baby with immunity, so it helps me but not him. And since both my husband and my stepkids can and do bring home a bunch of viruses during the winter, my baby would be exposed to those viruses (whether or not I am exposed to them) and he would have to combat them on his own, something that is much more dangerous to him than if I were sick as well and breastfeeding.
Yes, the flu is a danger to my child. However, getting the flu shot would actually increase his risk of having a severe infection, rather than decrease it. When both the mom and child get sick, the breastfeeding child often gets a milder version of the disease, because the mom's body is giving some protection to her child through breastmilk. By getting a flu shot, I am essentially preventing my child from getting the best medicine possible to combat sickness.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
So Chris and I got married yesterday. :) The day definitely did not go as planned but it was fun and special nevertheless. Chris even got choked up reading our vows which is very rare for him. I wrote the vows myself. Mine was,
“I, Crysta, take you Chris, to be my husband, to love you faithfully, honorably, and passionately, and to give you my trust and respect. I promise to be honest and forthright, to stay beside you when life is joyful and when it is difficult, to listen as well as speak, to give as well as receive, and to be your friend, lover, and partner throughout the rest of our lives.”
(Chris' was the same, only with the obvious name and role changes)
The ceremony/feast took place in our house, because it was raining too hard to be done outside, but that was fine because we just had close friends and family over. Overall it was a cozy, comfortable, relaxed feeling. This photo is of me and my husband toasting each other's health with Chris' parents and one of his kids in the background. (the weird white thing is a grape vine decoration in the foreground.)
My sister wrote a really nice blessing for us, which was read at the ceremony. It went...
may the ship that leaves the harbor find glorious treasure.
may the wind that whispers guide her to quiet waters of love.
may the waves that give life bring her treasures from the deep.
may the wood of her keel keep her sailing strong.
and may her destination be sure, true, and blessed.
may the warrior always find his sword and shield ready,
yet not be hasty to wield them.
may his footfalls be light throughout his journeys
and never take him too far from his doorstep.
may his name be placed in many tales
and his image in the stars.
and may the fire in his hearth always welcome him home.
to the couple:
may the river of love never stop flowing between the two lands.
may the fields always grow beautiful and full.
may the ships that sail from your harbors always return with glory.
and may, in all your days, you find freedom and faith within each other.
and your health
now depend on each other.
many blessings upon you and yours!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Last year, Chris unexpectedly came across a deer buck out in our pasture right behind the barn. That buck nearly charged him too, (being all wound up) but thankfully he didn't. Chris backed off and that was that.
Which brings me to my public service announcement: don't be stupid around animals. There are a lot of deer around and, despite their image of being gentle, frightened creatures, adult bucks are dangerous this time of year. Most likely they won't charge you, but you never really know. So if a male deer is standing his ground when you walk near him, don't try to go up and see how close you can get. :P It's not a good idea.
Speaking of wild creatures, I've become sort of panicked now that the date for our wedding celebration and dedication ceremony is drawing near. I still don't have tables and chairs, food, a guest list (aaah RSVP people!!), an organized idea of how it's going to go, and I haven't cleaned the house yet. Great. Not to mention they didn't have our rings in stock so we don't even know if we'll have rings by our wedding day! AAAAHHH! And I can't get much done with a 6 week old fussy baby...
Cross your fingers. September seems to be a wild ride so far.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sadly, I watched you deteriorate from a perfectly functional machine to a frustrating mass of metal that I couldn't fix, and I knew the end was near. Thanks for the warning, otherwise I would have never gotten everything backed up and I would have lost everything when your hard drive failed. I would have been so pissed at you. As it is, I will remember you fondly, and forever treasure (about half of) the memories we both shared. (The other half I'll probably laugh at, however frustrating they might have been at the time.)
So thank you for serving me well, old computer. Rest in peace.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
I spent most of last year pregnant- it was one of the most challenging and worthwhile years of my life, but I'm glad it's over. I've decided being a mom of a newborn is a thousand times better than being pregnant, and this first year of my son's life beckons to me, promising to be even more challenging and even more rewarding than last year.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
On Friday I got my membranes stripped and had contractions on and off the whole day. They ebbed and flowed until midnight, when my husband, Chris, and I decided to "help things along" in an intimate way, and after that the contractions got really, really strong. So I headed out to the hospital and got there around 2 AM, but the contractions stayed about the same in intensity throughout the night and into the morning... so basically I got no sleep that night, but nothing really progressed. So at around 6 AM we decided to break my water, because they were intense enough that I couldn't get rest, but not getting any stronger.
After they broke my water, I started progressing... fast! That was probably the worst pain I've ever been in in my entire life. I was having horrible back labor, and the contractions came on top of each other with no break in between (or if there were breaks in the contractions, I couldn't tell because my lower back hurt so much). Everyone thought I was transitioning already, and Chris spent a good deal of time getting bitten by me or his fingers nearly wrenched off... I spent most of the time draped on the birthing ball on my stomach and rocking back and forth on that, and I tried a warm bath but it didn't help at all. After 4 hours of this I could not go on, I was completely exhausted by the contractions being on top of each other and in so much pain that I didn't know how much more I could take. I told them to check me, because if I was already transitioning then I could hold out, but it turns out I hadn't progressed at all! My cervix was still at 3 cm, which was where it was when I got my membranes stripped Friday morning. So I told them I needed pain relief...
They first gave me nubain which felt really good because at least I could rest in between contractions. It took a while for the anesthesiologist to get in, and I was still having horrific contractions (but they were more bearable because I could rest in between) but I couldn't hold still through them, so the poor anesthesiologist had to wait while I flailed and rocked back and forth during a contraction, then had to hurry up and stick me with the needle before another contraction came agian...
The epidural started working fairly soon, and at that point all I wanted to do was rest. It felt so goooooood. I slept through a lot of contractions, and when they checked me later on I was actually progressed to 5 cm. the bad news was, of course, that I had to be on continuous fetal monitoring, given an IV, and my legs were all numb so I couldn't move them without help. The baby was also sleepy from the nubain, but he woke up after they checked me and his heart rate went up.
After noon, my doula came and we got me into a couple different positions to try to stimulate both the contractions and the heart rate, since laying on my back and sides were slowing things down. The contractions were pretty steady througout the afternoon, and they checked me a couple of times... I got up to 8 cm dilated by around 5 o clock. I woke up from a short nap feeling very sick. I gestured to my sister to bring me a trash bag but she didn't get it in time and I threw up all over her! I felt so weak and bad, and the doula said I was transitioning. Then the epidural started wearing off so they gave me a greater dose. Unfortunately that also slowed down my contractions, and they didn't pick back up again until 7, when things started to progress very fast! I was at 9 cm at that point and almost ready to start pushing, so they called my Dr and everyone stood around me, coaching me on pushing once I got to 10 cm. I started pushing around 7:45, and wow, that was hard work! Then my doula got a mirror and let me see my little baby's head crowning. :) I pushed him out while watching through the mirror- it was a hell of an inspiration to keep pushing! And then in one final push Taevyn Ziel was born at around 9 o clock. :) I couldn't believe that this little guy actually came out of me! It was miraculous to say the least...
He was put on my chest to see, Chris cut the cord, and my Dr delivered the placenta. I had a 3rd degree tear which hurt like hell when she stitched it up, and I was also hemoraging so they gave me pitocin and massaged my uterus. My little boy was rather pale so they took him to the warmer, but he cried and squirmed and otherwise was very vigorous. His cord seriously looked like a sausage, it was so big! It seemed like forever before they gave him back to me, but it was only a few minutes. I tried breastfeeding and he latched on like it was the easiest thing in the world and nursed for a long, long time. :) He has a full head of dark hair, big hands, and big beautiful eyes. :) He was active and alert for a long time, just calmly taking in his surroundings. Throughout the labor he was a real trooper.
Later I passed out from blood loss so I had to stay in the delivery room for a while, and at that time Taevyn was weighed and measured. He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz and was 21 inches long. I never got his APGAR scores.
So from the time I got to the hospital to the time I delivered was 17 hours, that's not counting the time I labored at home. I didn't get a drug-free birth like I planned, but it ended up being what I needed at the time, and there was no way I was going to make it 13 hours with constant back labor. So I feel good about my decision even though it wasn't the ideal.
Taevyn is amazing. There's nothing else that even comes close to the feeling of holding a little life that I co- created, and nurtured for 9 months... and all of a sudden everything is all worth it and I'm so wrapped up in everything he does. It's nuts. :)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Either way, in less than a week I will be a mom! (Presumably... there are a few cases of induction not working...) Exciting to think about...
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I am not a fan of false labor. I'd rather have real labor and not have to constantly wonder about it. However, I've been told that this is a good sign, and I should expect stuff to progress in the next day or 2 or 3. Until then, I hope I don't get as much sleep as I got last night because by the time real labor comes around, I will be burnt out!
Monday, July 27, 2009
I really want to go into labor naturally... even more so, I want to have my baby! I can't believe I'm so eager to experience the pains of childbirth, but I really am. I really want to give birth, soon. I can't help but be impatient, eager, and nervous. Finding my center is becoming ever harder to accomplish, and remaining tranquil and accepting is no easy task.
BTW, I am 40 weeks and 2 days.
So I just ate some ice cream with banana and chocolate... it's slightly soothing.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Kids are so unpredictable.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Basically, what it sounded like, is that my body and the baby are ready for delivery, but there are no signs that labor is iminent. (wahhhhh) My Dr. suggested writing baby an eviction notice. I think I will.
You are of course loved and cherished... However, you're really fucking big. I think it's safe to say you're speedily outgrowing your current lodgings. I know you're uncomfortable as well because you keep ramming your head into my cervix and trying to kick my bladder out of my body. It's not going to get any less crowded in there, so I suggest you come out. Trust me, there's much more room out here, plus it's more interesting. I'd like to look in the eye the person responsible for my many months of panic, discomfort, eager anticipation, and increasing impatience. My Dr. will want to induce me a week after my due date, and I'd rather avoid that if at all possible. Basically, you have until your due date to GET OUT OF ME, otherwise I will have to take measures into my own hands. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I've been doing certain things to sort of "move things along" as you will. My opinion of natural induction techniques is that they won't work unless your body is ready to have the baby anyway, so there's no real harm in trying. (Just don't expect a ton of results.)
That said, there's no real way to single-handedly prove my theory, I've just come to that conclusion based on a bazillion testimonies from other women (mostly via internet forums but some I've actually known in real life.) :P I didn't have a cervical check at 37 weeks, but at 36 weeks I was slightly effaced (thinned out) and a fingertip dilated. (For you non-preggo speak people, that means my cervix, which is normally thick and closed, is thinning and opening ever so slightly.)
Since week 36 I have taken Evening Primrose Oil (which is supposed to help dilate the cervix) once per day. At 37 weeks I took it one to two times per day, and now at 38 weeks I'm taking it 4 times per day. I've also been extremely horny and having sex regularly since the middle of last week. (Sex is also supposed to dilate the cervix.) Since my last check up, I've also been doing squats and other "position" techniques to try and move the baby lower in my pelvis.
My next appointment is on Wednesday, so we'll see what, if any, progress has been made.
Friday, July 10, 2009
This bag will be used by me to keep dirty cloth diapers in. I bought a trash can with a flip-up lid to store my dirty cloth diapers, and I just made this bag to line the trash can. I'll make another one, so that I can wash one with the diapers and in the meantime use the other. I have no idea what other people are doing to store their used cloth diapers in, because I have yet to see a "diaper pail" that is actually made for cloth diapers. At any rate, the trash can only cost like $8 and I got the old sheet from my parents. (Which makes 2 free dirty diaper bags! YAY!) The end result looks very rough, but who really cares, since it's only going to line my diaper can anyway??
As a kid I remember having similar bags to store laundry in. The bags would line the "hamper." (Ha, silly word, hamper) Maybe, as the (soon to be) kid grows, I will also make some laundry bags using this method. For right now, it's just me and Chris, so a regular ol' laundry basket is all we need.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Most people experiment in their daily lives without giving it a second thought. Well, not only am I going to think about my own experiments, but I'm going to write about them, most likely in journal form, and record my results for posterity. (More specifically, for the amusement of said posterity.) Depending on the nature of my experiments, they will either be conducted in a semi-scientific way, or just cobbled together to see if anything interesting happens. Obviously I'll take some more seriously than others.
As of now, no one is reading this blog, and that's OK because I haven't actually written anything of interest yet. However, when/if people DO start reading it, I'm inviting you to propose experiments to me- stuff you've always wondered about, but not enough to try yourself. Of course, I reserve the right to refuse any proposed experiment. (Especially the illegal ones or the ones with an over $100 budget.) I'll only screw with my life to a certain extent. :P
Oh, and that's another thing. Despite the scientific (har har har) nature of this blog, I'll probably throw in a couple cuss words here and there, and the subject matter might be entirely TMI. You read at your own risk.
For the Future: I'll probably start with the shampoo experiment, because I've always wondered. :) And no, before you ask, I'm not going to let my dog loose in a bouncy house full of kittens, as fun as that may be to watch.