Thursday, August 27, 2009

Smile :)

T is now smiling occasionally. :) I don't know if it's accidental or not, but every once in a while he'll just look at me and smile for no reason. :D I'm in heaven! This is not a sleepy smile, and not a gassy smile... I'm not sure if it's voluntary or not but right now I don't care because my baby boy can smile at me...

Monday, August 24, 2009

My Computer Died

Rest in Peace, old computer. :( You served me well for the past 4 years, which, I know, is a long full life for a laptop. You had your struggles, as did I. Through viruses, crashes, dying batteries, and being accidentally dropped on your head, you survived. You were there for me when I needed to send angsty emails as a teenager. You were there when I couldn't talk to my boyfriend except through yahoo messenger. You were there for me when I felt like browsing stupid videos on youtube. You did not complain when i put thousands of cds on your hard drive, then only played the same 3 songs over and over again. You put up with my dragging you along on long car drives and odd vacations, and was forever patient when it became obvious I don't know a thing about maintaining and fixing computers. We've had our differences, and I apologize for the incessant stream of profanity projected at your person, the occasional violent outburst that left you a little worse for wear, and my frustrated demands that you run at peak performance even though I forgot to clean you up. I also apologize for the kids, who kept spilling their Fing drinks all over you, typing with sticky fingers, and pounding on the keyboard hard enough to break some of your keys.
Sadly, I watched you deteriorate from a perfectly functional machine to a frustrating mass of metal that I couldn't fix, and I knew the end was near. Thanks for the warning, otherwise I would have never gotten everything backed up and I would have lost everything when your hard drive failed. I would have been so pissed at you. As it is, I will remember you fondly, and forever treasure (about half of) the memories we both shared. (The other half I'll probably laugh at, however frustrating they might have been at the time.)
So thank you for serving me well, old computer. Rest in peace.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

My little boy... a week and a half old now. :) He's already partially lifting his head, focusing on objects, sucking on his fingers, thumb, and fists, and flailing about trying to understand his arms and legs. He loves it when I take a bath with him and let him kick around in the water, but hates it when he has to get out of the tub! He doesn't like being naked as much as I thought he would, so I keep him in clothes. :P We have a ton of clothes anyway, and he looks so cute in them, but I love the feel of skin on skin contact. I love the way he makes funny faces at me, the way he smells, the way he clutches at my clothes, and especially the way he likes to cuddle. :)

Friday, August 7, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my 22nd birthday. It doesn't feel like a birthday, though, just another day. I'm not complaining though, because lately my normal days have been pretty damn good. :) I'm a new mom, spending days just feeding, cuddling, and enjoying my new little guy. Nights are mostly spent half-asleep as I try to feed Taevyn and get some rest at the same time. Mornings are usually spent sleeping as dad takes over child-care duties. Afternoons are usually spent cuddling both my guys in front of a movie, relaxing in front of the computer, or rocking the baby on the porch outside. I was going to go on a walk today, but the weather decided that it was going to rain all day, so I didn't. Chris completely forgot it was my birthday, and, while this would have annoyed me last year, this year I really didn't care. Besides, we both forgot his birthday last year. :P
I spent most of last year pregnant- it was one of the most challenging and worthwhile years of my life, but I'm glad it's over. I've decided being a mom of a newborn is a thousand times better than being pregnant, and this first year of my son's life beckons to me, promising to be even more challenging and even more rewarding than last year.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A Mouse

I just saw a mouse in our house.

!!!!! >X( !!!!!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Taevyn's Birth Story :)

After a really long labor, I finally have my baby boy!
On Friday I got my membranes stripped and had contractions on and off the whole day. They ebbed and flowed until midnight, when my husband, Chris, and I decided to "help things along" in an intimate way, and after that the contractions got really, really strong. So I headed out to the hospital and got there around 2 AM, but the contractions stayed about the same in intensity throughout the night and into the morning... so basically I got no sleep that night, but nothing really progressed. So at around 6 AM we decided to break my water, because they were intense enough that I couldn't get rest, but not getting any stronger.

After they broke my water, I started progressing... fast! That was probably the worst pain I've ever been in in my entire life. I was having horrible back labor, and the contractions came on top of each other with no break in between (or if there were breaks in the contractions, I couldn't tell because my lower back hurt so much). Everyone thought I was transitioning already, and Chris spent a good deal of time getting bitten by me or his fingers nearly wrenched off... I spent most of the time draped on the birthing ball on my stomach and rocking back and forth on that, and I tried a warm bath but it didn't help at all. After 4 hours of this I could not go on, I was completely exhausted by the contractions being on top of each other and in so much pain that I didn't know how much more I could take. I told them to check me, because if I was already transitioning then I could hold out, but it turns out I hadn't progressed at all! My cervix was still at 3 cm, which was where it was when I got my membranes stripped Friday morning. So I told them I needed pain relief...

They first gave me nubain which felt really good because at least I could rest in between contractions. It took a while for the anesthesiologist to get in, and I was still having horrific contractions (but they were more bearable because I could rest in between) but I couldn't hold still through them, so the poor anesthesiologist had to wait while I flailed and rocked back and forth during a contraction, then had to hurry up and stick me with the needle before another contraction came agian...

The epidural started working fairly soon, and at that point all I wanted to do was rest. It felt so goooooood. I slept through a lot of contractions, and when they checked me later on I was actually progressed to 5 cm. the bad news was, of course, that I had to be on continuous fetal monitoring, given an IV, and my legs were all numb so I couldn't move them without help. The baby was also sleepy from the nubain, but he woke up after they checked me and his heart rate went up.

After noon, my doula came and we got me into a couple different positions to try to stimulate both the contractions and the heart rate, since laying on my back and sides were slowing things down. The contractions were pretty steady througout the afternoon, and they checked me a couple of times... I got up to 8 cm dilated by around 5 o clock. I woke up from a short nap feeling very sick. I gestured to my sister to bring me a trash bag but she didn't get it in time and I threw up all over her! I felt so weak and bad, and the doula said I was transitioning. Then the epidural started wearing off so they gave me a greater dose. Unfortunately that also slowed down my contractions, and they didn't pick back up again until 7, when things started to progress very fast! I was at 9 cm at that point and almost ready to start pushing, so they called my Dr and everyone stood around me, coaching me on pushing once I got to 10 cm. I started pushing around 7:45, and wow, that was hard work! Then my doula got a mirror and let me see my little baby's head crowning. :) I pushed him out while watching through the mirror- it was a hell of an inspiration to keep pushing! And then in one final push Taevyn Ziel was born at around 9 o clock. :) I couldn't believe that this little guy actually came out of me! It was miraculous to say the least...

He was put on my chest to see, Chris cut the cord, and my Dr delivered the placenta. I had a 3rd degree tear which hurt like hell when she stitched it up, and I was also hemoraging so they gave me pitocin and massaged my uterus. My little boy was rather pale so they took him to the warmer, but he cried and squirmed and otherwise was very vigorous. His cord seriously looked like a sausage, it was so big! It seemed like forever before they gave him back to me, but it was only a few minutes. I tried breastfeeding and he latched on like it was the easiest thing in the world and nursed for a long, long time. :) He has a full head of dark hair, big hands, and big beautiful eyes. :) He was active and alert for a long time, just calmly taking in his surroundings. Throughout the labor he was a real trooper.

Later I passed out from blood loss so I had to stay in the delivery room for a while, and at that time Taevyn was weighed and measured. He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz and was 21 inches long. I never got his APGAR scores.

So from the time I got to the hospital to the time I delivered was 17 hours, that's not counting the time I labored at home. I didn't get a drug-free birth like I planned, but it ended up being what I needed at the time, and there was no way I was going to make it 13 hours with constant back labor. So I feel good about my decision even though it wasn't the ideal.

Taevyn is amazing. There's nothing else that even comes close to the feeling of holding a little life that I co- created, and nurtured for 9 months... and all of a sudden everything is all worth it and I'm so wrapped up in everything he does. It's nuts. :)