Friday, March 19, 2010

Is Everything Supposed to be Equal in a Marriage?

So lately my husband and I have been having some spats, mostly about chores. Since I am a stay-at-home mom, he thinks I should be doing absolutely everything around the house, even though I also have to take care of the baby, do farm chores, strain milk and make cheese, etc... It's not like housework is any walk in the park, since we need to wash dishes by hand and hang clothes up on the line, vacuum these friggin' ladybugs from 10 large windowsills every other day, etc...

The point being, I have my hands full. And I would just appreciate it if my husband helped out every once in a while. He, however, doesn't see what I really do with my time and just thinks I slack off.

So we are doing an experiment where I work his hours and we split the stuff that doesn't get done 50/50 on the weekends. Fine, right? Since I have to get up earlier, I'm getting more things done, but otherwise it is the same old routine. I'm only on the computer while I nurse my son, for lunch break, and after work.

The experiment is going well so far, but instead of making me happy this arrangement is just making me more depressed. Why? I'm not sure but my theory is that I don't think marriage should adopt the attitude of strict equality. I just end up sad when I have to keep track of how long it takes me to do laundry, so that my husband can spend equal time doing dishes. I realize that this is necessary in our experiment but when this experiment is over, I really don't want to do things like that anymore. I really don't care if I end up doing more work than my husband. All I want, really, is for him to decide to help me once in a while.

In my vision, husbands and wives have their own things that they are supposed to accomplish on a regular basis. I'm supposed to take care of dishes, laundry, farm chores, etc... while he is supposed to take the trash out and empty the humidity bucket and go to work. But instead of strict roles, I need more flexibility. For example, every once in a while I'll take out the trash and empty the humidity bucket, every once in a while my husband helps with laundry or dishes or chores. I guess this is what I mean by "help each other." When there is a big project, I volunteer my help without my husband asking. But he never does the same with me. This is the real problem that I have, not that I'm doing more work overall.

So what do you think? Should everything be equal in a marriage?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


This past week I've been very busy making goat milk cheese! Little by little, I'm learning how to cook and bake and mix things together. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting to know my way around the kitchen. We have an abundance of goat milk at the moment, so learning how to make cheese was a natural step.

I made a simple ricotta cheese using lemon juice to curdle the milk. It tastes delicious! I absolutely love the slight lemon flavor to the cheese, and we put in fresh organic herbs that really enhance the natural flavors. Even the baby likes it! We've been eating it on garlic crackers but I'll often eat it plain too... something I never like to do with ordinary cheese.

I feel very old fashioned, heating milk in a stainless steel pot on the stove, checking the temperature with a candy thermometer, straining out the curds with cheesecloth-lined colanders, chopping up fresh herbs to put into the cheese.

And, of course, hauling the whey off to the barn for the dog to eagerly snarf down. :) Whey is actually very nutritious, so I might try using it in bread making and other things. The cats aren't too keen on it (probably because of the lemon taste) but Halo (our Great Pyranese/German Shepherd mix) loves it.