My Son and My Daughter

My son is a ray of sunshine.  He energizes, he livens.  He brings cheerful zest for life wherever he goes.  His spirit is the love of life, the love of adventure, the spark of joy at every new discovery.  My Joy with him is talking, teaching, running, jumping, playing, reading, exploring.  I watch with wonder at the new things he learns at such a rapid pace.  My son is a verb.  He does everything he can think of.  He climbs, he swims, he digs, he searches, he finds.  My son is linguistic expression.  He wants to name everything, he wants to discuss everything.  My son is the unanswerable question.  He asks, "why", "what is this", "what are you doing", "where did it go", "what time is it", "what day is it", "can we..." he is not satisfied with one answer.  He either keeps asking the same question or changes the question.  He is curiosity and imagination.  I run after him, because he goes wherever his Will takes him.  He listens to his own desire for exploration much more than he listens to me.  Together, we celebrate a love of learning, a love of adventure.  I delight in his zest for life.  He is my son, the strong gale, the race car, the arrow.

My daughter is the warm memory of spring in the cold of winter.  Her sleepy, soft little arms enfold me.  She is a sweet hug, she is a joyful, bright smile, she is an enchanting, slobbery, baby kiss on my cheek.  Her spirit is Love and kindness, the beautiful comfort of cuddling together, just sitting and snuggling and being.  My Joy with her is her big brown eyes full of unrestrained love and happiness, the way she loves when I run my fingers through her soft brown curls, her strong, soft arms, her strong, soft belly, her ticklish neck and chubby legs.  Her strong, soft back that I massage when she is sleepy.  Strong and soft and joyful.  That is my daughter.  Memorable moments with my daughter are wordless, often silent.  We are.  We are together.  My daughter is not a verb; she just Is.  Her body and eyes hold all the meaning in the world.  Together, we celebrate Life, and Love, in its moments of rest.  My daughter is the power of Laughter.  When she laughs, the whole world laughs.  And she laughs at everything, smiles at everybody.  I delight in her love of life.  She is my daughter, the bubbly brook, the vast blue sky, sunlight alighting on the rocks.

I'm Back!

No, I haven't forgotten about you, little blog, even though I haven't been updating you in... well, years.  My thoughts have not been coherent enough to warrant scribblings and musings that I could post publicly.  However, recently an event shook our family- the untimely death of my stepchildren's mother.  My stepchildren are wonderful, mature, and loving.  I have known them since they were 5 and 6, and they are now 11 and 13.  And although I admit that my dream was to have them move up here and become part of the family, I think it's obvious to say I didn't want it to happen like this.  I didn't know their mother, but I know them.  I didn't know anything about her pain and struggle with cancer for the past year and a half, but I know how it has affected her children.  I don't know anything about losing a loved one as close to me as a parent, but my own mother has struggled with cancer for this past year and I know that cancer is an enemy to all of us.  As divided as we all were, my heart goes out to those innocent children who have lost their mother, and also to her parents who have lost a daughter, her siblings who lost a sister, friends and family who lost a loved one.  As much as I know it's an impossibility, I don't want to be divided anymore.  I want to be united in our love for these kids.  It pisses me off that there is still so much bad blood and tension.  We should be working together for the good of these wonderful kids.  We should be banding together in a common fight against cancer.  We should be celebrating the life that she brought into this world, instead of lashing out at each other.

I know it will be a hard road to healing, but I just want to say that I am lucky to have these children in my life, and I will do my best to help them in any way I can.  My family grew from 4 to 6 two weeks ago, and I can't help feeling very protective and nurturing right now, even through my aggravation and stress.  It's a difficult time, but we are in it together.