Sunday, November 7, 2010

What You Think When You're Pregnant

This is what's going through a pregnant woman's mind, in case you wanted to know...

Week 4: My period is a day late, am I pregnant?
Week 5: Oh my God I'm pregnant!!!
Week 8: Oh my God I'm sick to my stomach... what the hell is this baby doing to me?
Week 10: AAAAH I have baby poisoning. Yep, "baby poisoning" is the right word to use.
Week 11: Oh this nice cold toilet bowl feels good against my face...
Week 12: Why is my husband/family/boyfriend such an IDIOT? He left the toilet seat up again and now I want to punch his face in!
Week 13: I never want to eat another saltine cracker EVER again.
Week 15: The morning sickness is gone... oh no! Am I miscarrying?
Week 17: Wait, what happened to the ice cream? Did I really eat it ALL yesterday?
Week 18: Oh no, I can't feel any kicks yet! Is my baby alive? What is wrong with me?
Week 20 (or whenever you got your ultrasound): Oh my God! There s/he is! My baby is so cute!
Week 21: I'm only halfway done???
Week 22: Oh this picture of a kitty is so cute. *Starts bawling*
Week 23: It's seriously only been another week? When am I going to be DONE?
Week 24: OK my baby might survive if it's born now, I really am going to be a mom!
Week 25: What if I'm not a good mom? What if my baby grows up to hate me? What if I can't handle having a child?
Week 26: Seriously, the morning sickness is back??? WTF?
Week 27: Oh wow I'm SO tired.
Week 28: Where did I leave my car keys? Oh well it's too much work to find them, I'm going back to bed.
Week 29: AM I DONE YET???
Week 30: Only 10 more weeks. Am I a bad mom for thinking that I just want him/her to be born now?
Week 31: OMG the baby is almost here and his/her room isn't finished yet! What am I going to do, I only have 30 onesies and my hospital bag isn't even packed yet!
Week 32: OK baby, STOP kicking my ribs now, I'm going to have broken ribs because of you...
Week 33: Is this a contraction?
Week 34: What will labor be like? Can I handle it? I can't even put on my own socks!
Week 35: OK this baby can really come out anytime now...
Week 37: Yay full term! Time to birth this baby...
Week 38: It's only been a week? Come on out baby!
Week 39: I wonder if it's too soon to drink castor oil? Eat spicy foods? Have lots of sex?
Week 40: OK baby GET OUT! Yes, please strip my membranes!
2 hours later: Can I make another appointment today? I want my membranes stripped again, it didn't work the first time. I have to wait a whole week to do it again???
Week 41: Please? Mommy will buy you an XBox if you just get out now! I wonder if it's a crime to break your own water...
Week 42: What do you want from me?? A pony? I'll buy you a pony, a rocketship, anything you want just get OUT!
Early labor: Is this it? OMG I need to get to the hospital pronto!
Active labor: Come on baby just get out...
Transition: I can't do this!!!
Seeing baby: WOW, s/he's so tiny, didn't I just give birth to a train?
2 weeks later: OK baby, you can get back in the womb now, you were quieter in there...


  1. LOL!!!!!

    It was an interesting read since I've never gone through this process as, of course, an expectant mother OR an expectant father. It's a part of life that is considered rather normal by most adults, but certainly not normal by abnormal people like me. :-D

  2. HI LOVE_

    Quite a journey, huh? :-) You captured it SO well.
    Love to you "Mom"

  3. thanks :) it's so interesting what runs through my mind these days