At age 12, I started really resenting the fact that I was so dependent on my parents. I wanted to be as independent as possible, but became surly over the fact that I couldn't drive, couldn't live on my own, couldn't be hired to work, etc... As a homeschooler, I was already pretty much in charge of my own education, or at least I wasn't being micromanaged when it came to school. That responsibility made me happy. I just wished I could be entrusted with more decisions in my own life. This attitude lasted all through high school up until I moved out of my parent's house.
Now, I'm facing the same sort of resentment, and I'm really trying not to let it get to me. I'm a stay-at-home mom, which means I'm depending on my husband to provide financially for me while he is depending on me to watch our son, farm, and house.
I love being a stay-at-home mom! I love the independence that comes from setting my own hours, work schedule, and pace. I love the feeling of accomplishment when I get a big project done despite a toddler running around and trying to ruin my efforts, and I love the flexibility of being able to take a trip to the grocery store or library on MY schedule. When I worked outside the home, I was miserable. I was micromanaged and I didn't get along well with my managers. I thought I did a good job and I certainly wasn't slacking, but I felt constantly watched, criticized, and judged. Often, I felt like expectations weren't clear and I therefore couldn't live up to them. Being a stay-at-home mom is a lot like homeschooling, I can get what I need to get done and not worry about the things that inevitably don't get done.
However, I really dislike the fact that I don't get paid for it! It rubs me the wrong way to have to ask my husband to pay for something. I hate asking for "his money" and I hate just taking "his money." And he hates it too! I know he feels like he has to constantly evaluate my purchases because he doesn't trust me to spend his money wisely. It's a big fat thorn in my dream job. And I'm not sure how to fix it, either. Hopefully, the farm will become prosperous enough to provide me with a little money of my own. Or, after the kids have grown a little, I could get a part time job or a home-based business. Or, my husband could just learn to TRUST me with OUR money... but I'm not sure if that will ever happen.
I love that I stumbled upon your blog. I'm definitely a follower now. I just wrote a blog today about being a stay at home mom. It's hard sometimes!!!
ReplyDeleteIn our household, my wife is the breadwinner and I'm the stay-at-home disabled person. However, though she makes most of the money (I receive SSI), I'm the one who handles the finances. So, she has to get money doled out by me.
ReplyDeleteWe agreed on this plan way back when we first got together over a quarter century ago. I'm good with budgeting and she will readily admit that she is not.
Maybe you could work out a similar deal with your hubby.
thanks katie :)
ReplyDeletei think i would need to take a finances class in order to be comfortable budgeting all our money. i'm not used to dealing with large monetary values... i like to keep finances simple and straightforward in my life, but with so many bills it's hard to do. it might work, though, if i can get my husband on board!
I remember having the same feeling when I was home with a child, sort of isolated in the country on a low income; then I returned to work, doing the tricky exhausting juggling professional/parent act. Now I am so eager to retire, but not sure it's financially the thing to do yet. We go through all these phases; funny how it's the money that frustrates us.
ReplyDeleteyes, the money is the number one frustration for me!
ReplyDeleteMy partner budgets our money too and when we decided I would stay home I was very upfront with him and asked for a weekly cash budget that I would spend however I liked. Groceries, gas, baby items, etc. would be bought together from his bank account. He gave me 100 each week and it worked really well for a while. We've recently changed that situation and he just gave me two credit cards but I have to let him know before I spend it. So, kind of frustrating because I can't really do what I want when I want. I feel your frustration! (I will say that usually I know if we are in a good money week or a bad and if I ask to spend he rarely says no)
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