My Son and My Daughter

My son is a ray of sunshine.  He energizes, he livens.  He brings cheerful zest for life wherever he goes.  His spirit is the love of life, the love of adventure, the spark of joy at every new discovery.  My Joy with him is talking, teaching, running, jumping, playing, reading, exploring.  I watch with wonder at the new things he learns at such a rapid pace.  My son is a verb.  He does everything he can think of.  He climbs, he swims, he digs, he searches, he finds.  My son is linguistic expression.  He wants to name everything, he wants to discuss everything.  My son is the unanswerable question.  He asks, "why", "what is this", "what are you doing", "where did it go", "what time is it", "what day is it", "can we..." he is not satisfied with one answer.  He either keeps asking the same question or changes the question.  He is curiosity and imagination.  I run after him, because he goes wherever his Will takes him.  He listens to his own desire for exploration much more than he listens to me.  Together, we celebrate a love of learning, a love of adventure.  I delight in his zest for life.  He is my son, the strong gale, the race car, the arrow.

My daughter is the warm memory of spring in the cold of winter.  Her sleepy, soft little arms enfold me.  She is a sweet hug, she is a joyful, bright smile, she is an enchanting, slobbery, baby kiss on my cheek.  Her spirit is Love and kindness, the beautiful comfort of cuddling together, just sitting and snuggling and being.  My Joy with her is her big brown eyes full of unrestrained love and happiness, the way she loves when I run my fingers through her soft brown curls, her strong, soft arms, her strong, soft belly, her ticklish neck and chubby legs.  Her strong, soft back that I massage when she is sleepy.  Strong and soft and joyful.  That is my daughter.  Memorable moments with my daughter are wordless, often silent.  We are.  We are together.  My daughter is not a verb; she just Is.  Her body and eyes hold all the meaning in the world.  Together, we celebrate Life, and Love, in its moments of rest.  My daughter is the power of Laughter.  When she laughs, the whole world laughs.  And she laughs at everything, smiles at everybody.  I delight in her love of life.  She is my daughter, the bubbly brook, the vast blue sky, sunlight alighting on the rocks.

I'm Back!

No, I haven't forgotten about you, little blog, even though I haven't been updating you in... well, years.  My thoughts have not been coherent enough to warrant scribblings and musings that I could post publicly.  However, recently an event shook our family- the untimely death of my stepchildren's mother.  My stepchildren are wonderful, mature, and loving.  I have known them since they were 5 and 6, and they are now 11 and 13.  And although I admit that my dream was to have them move up here and become part of the family, I think it's obvious to say I didn't want it to happen like this.  I didn't know their mother, but I know them.  I didn't know anything about her pain and struggle with cancer for the past year and a half, but I know how it has affected her children.  I don't know anything about losing a loved one as close to me as a parent, but my own mother has struggled with cancer for this past year and I know that cancer is an enemy to all of us.  As divided as we all were, my heart goes out to those innocent children who have lost their mother, and also to her parents who have lost a daughter, her siblings who lost a sister, friends and family who lost a loved one.  As much as I know it's an impossibility, I don't want to be divided anymore.  I want to be united in our love for these kids.  It pisses me off that there is still so much bad blood and tension.  We should be working together for the good of these wonderful kids.  We should be banding together in a common fight against cancer.  We should be celebrating the life that she brought into this world, instead of lashing out at each other.

I know it will be a hard road to healing, but I just want to say that I am lucky to have these children in my life, and I will do my best to help them in any way I can.  My family grew from 4 to 6 two weeks ago, and I can't help feeling very protective and nurturing right now, even through my aggravation and stress.  It's a difficult time, but we are in it together.

Baby! :)

Well, after long months of waiting, my daughter is finally here! She made her arrival on the 28 of January, 2 days before her due date.

This is what happened:

I was having contractions sporadically all day on the 27th, and really, really wanted this baby OUT (i was 39 weeks 4 days) so i walked, masturbated, did nipple stimulation, and then had sex with my husband. :) it worked (lol) and I started having intense contractions after the sex that were 2 minutes apart so we went to the hospital. :)

Since I had Group B Strep, they tried to get me hooked up to an IV for antibiotics. However, I have really small veins and they had to stick a needle in 4 different places before they were finally able to get an IV going. During this time I started active labor, so I was VERY uncomfortable to say the least! I was in heaven when they finally let me get out of the bed and walk around.

I wanted to have a natural birth, and the nurse was a wonderful labor coach. The contractions I felt were unlike those with my first child (which were extremely painful and unproductive), I was actually doing really well... but i was SO TIRED and felt sick. The nurses gave me a peppermint strip to put on my clothes and that helped a lot with the nausea, although I was still shaking and barely holding up. AND cervix checks hurt more than anything... I actually took a swing at my doctor (oops) when she was checking me (snicker)... then the contractions got nasty and unproductive :( I was stuck at 7 cm, so I got an epidural and GETTING it was hell... BUT when it took, it was heaven and I could finally sleep, although I was still shaking.

I woke up and they told me I was complete but they let me labor down for a long time because I didn't want to have a 3rd degree tear like with my first, and I wanted my epidural to wear off enough that I could feel when to push. It went so well... I pushed my lovely little girl out in 15 minutes (but still ended up with a 2nd degree tear, grrr). I could feel pressure but not pain :) They got a mirror and let me see my baby crowning... it was such a positive experience. And the moment I pushed her out they gave me my little baby girl and she was just so precious, I held her for a long time and even breastfed her before they finally took her away to get her APGAR scores. she weighed 6 lbs 14 oz and 20 inches long. She has a full head of dark hair :) and she is so cuddly!

She is so tiny and beautiful and soft... I love her sooo much :) and the recovery isn't horrible. I don't feel like I've been hit by a mack truck like with my son, although I'm so so sore.

I'll post pictures soon :)

Baby Fuzzy Brain

I apologize to my few regular readers. Lately, I just can't seem to form a coherent thought. I spend more and more time staring off into space while my toddler destroys something fundamentally important. I spend 20 minutes looking for my purse before remembering that it's in my hand. I walk into a room and don't remember why, but while I'm at it, that reminds me to hang up those shelves I bought 2 months ago and never took care of. Then I walk out the door without doing that, either.

I have a severe case of "impending baby brain." Right now, I can't seem to focus on much of anything. So I apologize, because while I would love to be able to read your blogs and comment, my brain has turned into a mushed banana and focusing on reading something other than light comedic dialog has proven futile again and again. I just keep staring at the same paragraph and wondering why my feet are cold? Oh yes, because I never put my slippers on this morning. Silly me. :)

On the plus side, the husband, the toddler, the baby-to-be, and I are doing just fine. The toddler is over the 95th percentile for height, which means he's really freakin' tall. He can reach just about anything including the ceramic plate I just ate from that I really don't want to break, the computer keyboard, the library books that I stupidly left on the table, etc... The husband is cussing out his workplace again, which is completely normal... the baby-to-be has found my cervix and seems to know that there's a door there somewhere so she's trying to beat it down (ow)... and I am staring at a cartoon person on the front of a book and thinking "if only I could remember what I was going to do 5 minutes ago."

Oh yeah. I was going to make a list. Sometime in the next 2 months I might actually get it done. :)

What You Think When You're Pregnant

This is what's going through a pregnant woman's mind, in case you wanted to know...

Week 4: My period is a day late, am I pregnant?

Week 5: Oh my God I'm pregnant!!!

Week 8: Oh my God I'm sick to my stomach... what the hell is this baby doing to me?

Week 10: AAAAH I have baby poisoning. Yep, "baby poisoning" is the right word to use.

Week 11: Oh this nice cold toilet bowl feels good against my face...

Week 12: Why is my husband/family/boyfriend such an IDIOT? He left the toilet seat up again and now I want to punch his face in!

Week 13: I never want to eat another saltine cracker EVER again.

Week 15: The morning sickness is gone... oh no! Am I miscarrying?

Week 17: Wait, what happened to the ice cream? Did I really eat it ALL yesterday?

Week 18: Oh no, I can't feel any kicks yet! Is my baby alive? What is wrong with me?

Week 20 (or whenever you got your ultrasound): Oh my God! There s/he is! My baby is so cute!

Week 21: I'm only halfway done???

Week 22: Oh this picture of a kitty is so cute. *Starts bawling*

Week 23: It's seriously only been another week? When am I going to be DONE?

Week 24: OK my baby might survive if it's born now, I really am going to be a mom!

Week 25: What if I'm not a good mom? What if my baby grows up to hate me? What if I can't handle having a child?

Week 26: Seriously, the morning sickness is back??? WTF?

Week 27: Oh wow I'm SO tired.

Week 28: Where did I leave my car keys? Oh well it's too much work to find them, I'm going back to bed.

Week 29: AM I DONE YET???

Week 30: Only 10 more weeks. Am I a bad mom for thinking that I just want him/her to be born now?

Week 31: OMG the baby is almost here and his/her room isn't finished yet! What am I going to do, I only have 30 onesies and my hospital bag isn't even packed yet!

Week 32: OK baby, STOP kicking my ribs now, I'm going to have broken ribs because of you...

Week 33: Is this a contraction?

Week 34: What will labor be like? Can I handle it? I can't even put on my own socks!

Week 35: OK this baby can really come out anytime now...

Week 37: Yay full term! Time to birth this baby...

Week 38: It's only been a week? Come on out baby!

Week 39: I wonder if it's too soon to drink castor oil? Eat spicy foods? Have lots of sex?

Week 40: OK baby GET OUT! Yes, please strip my membranes!

2 hours later: Can I make another appointment today? I want my membranes stripped again, it didn't work the first time. I have to wait a whole week to do it again???

Week 41: Please? Mommy will buy you an XBox if you just get out now! I wonder if it's a crime to break your own water...

Week 42: What do you want from me?? A pony? I'll buy you a pony, a rocketship, anything you want just get OUT!

Early labor: Is this it? OMG I need to get to the hospital pronto!

Active labor: Come on baby just get out...

Transition: I can't do this!!!

Seeing baby: WOW, s/he's so tiny, didn't I just give birth to a train?

2 weeks later: OK baby, you can get back in the womb now, you were quieter in there...

Sock Diaper Wipes?

A couple of days ago I went through all our socks (yes the WHOLE tote of them!) and got out the holey ones to throw away.

Only, instead of throwing them away, I cut them up into diaper wipes for the new baby.

Sounds like a BORING afternoon, but it gave me a feeling of accomplishment.

1. No longer would I have to wear holey socks! Yay!

2. No longer would 20+ holey socks clog up our already jumbled sock tote. (It's a sock tote, not a sock drawer, because we have too many socks to fit in a drawer.)

3. 20+ holey socks would NOT be clogging up space in the landfill. :) Your welcome, Mother Earth.

4. How many diaper wipes does a new baby go through in a week? Well... a lot! A. Your welcome again, Mother Earth, and B. Hooray for having diaper wipes that do not have a ton of chemicals, are free, and are re-usable.

Now to do the same thing with Husband's holey underwear.

Stay at Home Mom

I really dislike being dependent.

At age 12, I started really resenting the fact that I was so dependent on my parents. I wanted to be as independent as possible, but became surly over the fact that I couldn't drive, couldn't live on my own, couldn't be hired to work, etc... As a homeschooler, I was already pretty much in charge of my own education, or at least I wasn't being micromanaged when it came to school. That responsibility made me happy. I just wished I could be entrusted with more decisions in my own life. This attitude lasted all through high school up until I moved out of my parent's house.

Now, I'm facing the same sort of resentment, and I'm really trying not to let it get to me. I'm a stay-at-home mom, which means I'm depending on my husband to provide financially for me while he is depending on me to watch our son, farm, and house.

I love being a stay-at-home mom! I love the independence that comes from setting my own hours, work schedule, and pace. I love the feeling of accomplishment when I get a big project done despite a toddler running around and trying to ruin my efforts, and I love the flexibility of being able to take a trip to the grocery store or library on MY schedule. When I worked outside the home, I was miserable. I was micromanaged and I didn't get along well with my managers. I thought I did a good job and I certainly wasn't slacking, but I felt constantly watched, criticized, and judged. Often, I felt like expectations weren't clear and I therefore couldn't live up to them. Being a stay-at-home mom is a lot like homeschooling, I can get what I need to get done and not worry about the things that inevitably don't get done.

However, I really dislike the fact that I don't get paid for it! It rubs me the wrong way to have to ask my husband to pay for something. I hate asking for "his money" and I hate just taking "his money." And he hates it too! I know he feels like he has to constantly evaluate my purchases because he doesn't trust me to spend his money wisely. It's a big fat thorn in my dream job. And I'm not sure how to fix it, either. Hopefully, the farm will become prosperous enough to provide me with a little money of my own. Or, after the kids have grown a little, I could get a part time job or a home-based business. Or, my husband could just learn to TRUST me with OUR money... but I'm not sure if that will ever happen.

Baby Brain

...I forgot what I was going to post.

.... This seems to be a perpetual state lately.

Ultrasound! :D

Today I had my ultrasound! I got to see this little baby that's growing inside my uterus. She... yes, SHE, was being camera shy so I didn't get any really cute pictures like I did with my son.

However, I am so stoked that I'm having a daughter! I can't believe it! :) To me, a son and a daughter are just so perfect, I'm wondering what I ever did to deserve this happy life. She looks happy and healthy and everything is measuring normal.

Parenting Naturally on a Budget Part 3: Laundry

These are just a couple tips to be more cost-efficient when doing your laundry, and better for the environment at the same time.

1. Wash most or all of your laundry in cold water.

Most laundry gets just as clean in cold water. It's a simple step to take. Exceptions are washing cloth diapers, clothes or sheets with bodily fluids on them, or anything that has sopped up massive quantities of milk (such as my milk-straining or cheese-making cloths. Or spit up rags.) Washing underwear and socks in hot water is the norm, but honestly I haven't found a difference in cleanliness if I only wash them in hot every other time.

2. Use less soap.

Most people use too much soap. The recommended amount of soap on the jug of detergent is usually too much. You can be just as effective by using 1/2 the recommended amount, or 2/3 if you want to be safe.

3. Make your own laundry detergent!

If you are concerned about the chemicals in commercial laundry soap, or have sensitive skin, then make your own! There are many recipes on the internet, and I will post one here. The powdered form usually does the best, but some washers will only take liquid detergent.

2 Cups Soap, finely grated (Fels Naptha is the most commonly used kind, but I make my own organic soap!)

1 Cup Washing Soda (Not Baking Soda- washing soda. I found it in my grocery store but you might have to go to a department store or Fleet Farm.)

1 Cup Borax (I found this at Fleet Farm. Sometimes grocery/department stores also carry it.)

Mix well and store in an airtight container. Use 2 TBSP per load.

Easy, huh? :) All ingredients are pretty darn cheap, and making laundry soap isn't hard at all. What soap you use determines how "natural" the detergent is. Borax is pretty strong stuff, so don't let any little kids near it. But it's also a great cleaning agent for heavy duty jobs as well. Sometimes when I have a really messy clean-up (like cat pee on the carpet) I'll mix some borax and baking soda with water and wash with a rag. It does the job quite nicely!

4. Line-dry if you can.

If you live in a neighborhood that will allow you to line-dry your clothes, do it! It'll save you money and be better for the environment. Some people experience scratchy clothes when they line-dry, and if this happens, just add some vinegar to the rinse cycle before you hang them out to dry.

Also, they make "laundry trees" for winter use. You put the trees indoors and hang laundry on those. I love using these because in addition to drying the laundry, they also humidify your house! :) You can also use these in the warmer seasons if you put them in front of open windows and it's not too humid out.

Potty Training Journal

Day 3:

1. He now poops on the floor right next to his potty, but won't go inside it. Augh!

2. I... think he ate some of his own poop. :( Not dwelling on that too much...

3. He will sit on the grown-up potty as long as I let him read his dinosaur book while he's up there. :) Still never used it for its intended purpose, but at least he'll sit and try.

Potty Training Journal

Day 1: AUUUUGGGGHHHH!

Here's how my day went.

1. Kept him in a disposable while we ate breakfast and I cleaned up the house, getting everything off the floor, rolling rugs up and storing them because I KNEW what I was getting into!

2. Set him on the potty while I went too. He peed! YAY! Annnnnd then subsequently tried to play with the pee...

3. On second thought, I don't think he has the concept quite down. Put the potty in easy reach of him and he decided to put all his toys in it.

4. He now stands in the potty with both feet, puts toys in the potty, and tries to play with the poop that's on the floor. I am frantically trying to wipe up his accident with one hand while holding him at bay with the other.

5. He is now bored with the potty and won't sit on it for more than 2 seconds. I read to him: didn't work. Brought out a new toy: didn't work. Sang "itsy bitsy spider" with hand motions: didn't work. Guess he just doesn't want to sit still now.

6: Just woke up from his nap. He sat on the potty for a while: nothing happened. Then I put him in a cloth diaper and 2 seconds later: poop. Changed his diaper, sat him back on the potty: nothing. Of course.

7. Then again, he has been laughing and happy the entire day. Guess I am doing something right...

Pregnancy Commandments Part 5

9. Thou shalt not covet thy pregnant woman's baby name

If you're a friend or relative, and you like a name we picked out, don't say "oh that's a wonderful name, I think I'll name my puppy that." It's not a puppy name, it's a BABY name, more specifically, it's OUR baby's name and OUR intellectual property. OK, so most baby names are not our intellectual property, it just FEELS like it sometimes. Either way, name your puppy something else.

Penalty: We might yell out "COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! I'M GONNA SUE YOU!" in a loud, angry voice. It might startle you enough to reconsider. Or, the conversation might go something like this, "Well, I'm glad that you like the name. However, it'd be too confusing to have 2 Jades in the family. I guess I'll have to give your daughter a nickname, like 'Wubby-wubby'."

10. Thou shalt not dictate to thy pregnant woman how to raise her child.

Maybe you've had 13 kids, maybe you just like to discuss childrearing despite having no real experience. But there's a difference between sharing tricks of the trade and dictating how someone else parents their child.

For example... Helpful: Using crisco or petroleum jelly on baby's bottom helps with diaper rashes. Unhelpful: If you let your baby sleep with you, he'll never learn to sleep in his own bed and become a dependent 30 year old still living in his parents' basement. Helpful: Sometimes leaving a fan on will help soothe babies to sleep. Unhelpful: Letting your baby cry for 5 minutes is cruel and wrong, if you do that you deserve to have your baby taken away!

Trust us, we have researched parenting methods and probably have figured out if we're going to spank or not spank, use cloth diapers or disposables, let our child run on the freeways or be strapped down in a padded room for their own safety. And if we don't know yet, we'll figure it out. Giving us tools to work with and use/discard as necessary is a lot different then judging a parenting method because you would never use it. If you have a solution to a common problem, by all means, we're all ears. If you want to put other parents down because obviously your way is better, shut it. We have better things to do than listen to such things. Like, painting the nursery for example.

Penalty: Bitch slap, with a "come to your senses!" in an imperious tone.

Pregnancy Commandments Part 4

8. Thou shalt not make dumb comments or ask dumb questions.

It's pop quiz time. Which is the correct response? Situation: A heavily pregnant woman waddles into work. You thought her due date was a week ago. You say... A. "Wow, haven't you had that baby yet?" B. "Look out, here comes the bowling ball!" or C. nothing, but get out of her way. I'll give you a hint, it's not A or B. A nice "good morning" would be fine, but no need to mention the baby at all. If she's still waddling around, she obviously hasn't had it yet, so no need to ask her if she has. And likening pregnant women to round objects, or waddling animals, is just downright rude.

Unless you're going to be in the delivery room with us, it's also rude to inquire of the status of our cervix, or sex life, or tell us how much your labor hurt or how much went wrong. First of all, we don't especially want to discuss our cervix, mucus plug, hemorrhoids, or vaginal discharge with casual acquaintances, co-workers, or extended family. Occasionally, pregnant women like to pretend that our bodies are private and maintain the delusion that the various fluids and developments within are NOT topics of casual discussion. To a close friend, it might not be embarrassing to discuss, but better err on the side of caution.

Secondly, complete strangers need not ask personal questions such as "were you trying, or was it an accident?" (Nope this baby is completely unasked for, just like your comments) or "you do know they make a pill to prevent that, right?" (Why no sir, in fact, where do babies come from?) or, if we're having twins, "are they natural?" (Nope they're... alien babies?)

Thirdly, pregnant women worry enough. We don't need to hear how you were in agony for 36 hours before they rushed you in for a c-section and didn't let you hold your baby afterward. All these imagined fears are already floating around in our heads. We go through life wondering if our baby is going to come out with Down Syndrome, or need to be in the NICU for months, or have a fatal condition. We already think about labor like a soldier thinks about being sent into a war zone... will we survive? Unless you would willingly tell a new recruit about how your uncle was blown to bits in Iraq, don't tell a pregnant woman the grisly details of your friend's childbirth.

Penalty: Usually a nice, snarky comment is warranted. A glare and snarl also does the trick.

Pregnancy Commandments Part 3

6. Thou shalt not commit to plans without consulting thy pregnant woman.

Travel is uncomfortable. Especially in the third trimester, when pretty much anything is uncomfortable. (But even more uncomfortable when you don't have a body pillow, ice, and a cupboard full of chocolate handy.) If you are living with a pregnant woman, don't make travel plans for the 2 months before delivery and 2 months after delivery. Yes, we know you are getting antsy, we are all getting antsy, and yes we know you need a break from all the baby stuff (umm where's OUR break?) but the fact is that at 8 months pregnant, we are pretty much an immobile, bitchy blob of baby belly.

Plus, what happens if we go into labor? The nearest hospital will not do... we must deliver at OUR hospital, with nurses and doctors who know us.

This includes visiting relatives over an hour away. Trust me, after stopping every 15 minutes at the nearest gas station so we can pee and stretch, you'll know why. Relatives 2 hours away can perhaps be visited up until the 8th month, but there will be mutterings under the breath.

Penalty: If you go, you'll have to go by yourself. And if you go by yourself, expect to find your belongings dumped out the window or given to the poor when you return, if you have the gall to return at all.

7. Thou shalt not steal thy pregnant woman's food.

Should be self-explanatory. Let me put it this way. Pregnant women are like mother bears. Crabby, crabby mother bears. Protecting hoarded food comes only second to protecting our young. Especially if that food includes snacks on days where food is scarce. If there are 3 bags of doritos in the cupboard, you might get by with sneaking a handful every now and then as long as you don't dent the supply too much. However, if your pregnant woman has a bag of gummy worms in the car on the way to the beach, leave it the hell alone. Her mind has made mental inventory of every single worm in that bag. Don't be fooled. Even though she is comfortable lying under an umbrella on a chair right now, in 20 minutes she will be hungry, and the only thing that will keep her from going into a hungry, homicidal rage is that lonely bag of gummy worms she brought along precisely for that purpose. So don't you dare swipe even one.

Penalty: A hefty fine, at the very least. (Fines are to be paid in chocolate bars, preferably.) If you are foolish enough to try to swipe a snack that a pregnant woman is currently eating, prepare to lose a limb in the process. Fines double if the snack includes ice cream or chocolate. Fines triple if the pregnant woman makes "mmmm mmm" noises when eating it, as it is obviously a treasured possession at that point.

Pregnancy Commandments Part 2

3. Honor thy pregnant woman's cravings and treat them as holy.

So your pregnant girlfriend wakes you up at 2 in the morning, wanting you to go to the store because you're out of frozen pizza, and she NEEDS some frozen pizza to go with the jar of peanut butter. You have only 2 options, and neither of them include sleeping. Option 1: you mumble under your breath, go out to the store, buy her some pizza, (and while you're at it, everything else in the store, just in case) and go back to sleep. Option 2: tell her no, and listen to her clatter around downstairs trying to find something resembling frozen pizza, give up, and sob the rest of the night because she's hungry and the only thing she can stomach is pizza.

Just a heads up, sometimes cravings are not just cravings. Sometimes cravings are the only thing we can eat without throwing up. And, OUR options are, 1. throw up from hunger, 2. throw up from eating a nauseating food, or 3. eat what we are craving.

So please, just suck it up and tell yourself that this is just preparation for meeting a baby's incessant nighttime demands. You're about to become a parent- you knew that sleep was one of the sacrifices you would have to make, anyway.

4. Honor Father and Mother's Day, even if it is a bit premature.

It's Father's Day and you're not a father yet? Too bad, expect a date night anyway. It's Mother's Day and your bun is still in the oven? Too bad, buy her an ice cream cake anyway. For women, we become mothers long before our babies are born. We read books on mothering long before we deliver, we follow our fetus' development week by week, and we can feel the little bastard kick bruises into our ribs. Motherhood, by definition, (well, it SHOULD be the definition) is "voluntary torture", which begins long before the little devil makes his appearance.

Penalty: Buy us an ice cream cake. Seriously, that's all we want. Just buy us the damn cake and give us a hug. It's not hard.

5. Thou shalt not murder thy pregnant woman, despite the temptation.

It's the hormones. Really, it is. Hormones can turn a perfectly rational person into a raging psychotic drama queen. It's been all day and she hasn't quit sobbing? Just hug her and hold her until the clouds clear. She throws a toaster at you for saying it's too early to pick out names? At least listen to her suggestions. After all, she's already made a list of her top 50 girl names and top 50 boy names, the least you could do is take a look at it. She asks you to move the couch to a different corner AGAIN? Well, at least you're getting a workout.

Penalty: Well, killing a pregnant woman is 2 counts of murder. That said, we do have some sympathy for you for having to put up with us. Just be patient and humor us if you can. After all, pregnant women are at least semi-rational beings. Babies are completely irrational. So count your blessings while you can.

10 Pregnancy Commandments part 1

This post is for husbands, boyfriends, lovers, family, friends, and innocent bystanders inflicted with a pregnant woman. Remember, although you are inflicted with a pregnant woman, we are, in fact, inflicted with a baby, hormones, and a body that feels like a pop can getting smooshed. So, here are the "10 Commandments" of pregnancy...

1. Thou shalt have no other women before me.

For partners: Self explanatory, you would think. Yet, as our bodies become less and less sexy, it's tempting to want to look elsewhere for eye candy (or worse). Even though we, as pregnant ladies, do not find our bodies especially sexy right now, do your best to find us attractive anyway. We'll think you're crazy, yes, but also take comfort in the fact that you at least want to keep us around long enough for us to pop out the damn thing.

Anyone else: Tell us that we're glowing, or cute. (Even if we look like miserable balloons at the moment.) It's your only option. Do not say things like, "you look like you used to be pretty" (yes, a real example of a comment by a stranger) or, "better put down those donuts, you'll never fit back into your jeans at this rate."

Penalty: A sock to the jaw, at best. If you imply that we're fat while we're actually growing a live human being inside our innards, you deserve worse.

2. Do not take the pain of thy wife (or girlfriend, sister, etc...) for granted.

"Your hips are moving out of their sockets and you have a horrible case of sciatica? Eh, women have been doing this for thousands of years, it's nothing your body can't handle I'm sure." Um, yeah, women have been birthing babies for thousands of years. Men have also been working 12 hour days doing hard labor by hand in the fields for thousands of years, so they have no right to complain about how their work day went, either. It's nothing they can't handle, right?

Penalty: Take a 10 lb rock and strap it to your waist. Wrap your chest and lower abdomen so tightly that you can neither breathe nor go 5 minutes without peeing. Inject yourself with massive doses of estrogen and wear nipple clamps constantly. Take tons of iron pills until you're constipated, then take a bunch of laxatives. When sleeping, replace the rock with a live animal such as a small dog, then try to sleep through its furious kicking. Do this for 9 months. For the first 3 months, maintain a constant state of food poisoning (but don't add the rock yet). For the next 3 months, add the rock/small animal, and for the last 3 months stuff a basketball between your legs while walking and tighten the chest/bladder binds in addition to the rest. Then go 2 more weeks. (9 months? Ha!) Periodically stuff a full hand and arm up your rectum to simulate cervical exams. Then, at the end of the last horrific 2 weeks, pull the pin out of a hand grenade and swallow. (To simulate childbirth.) When you do all this, you have the right to judge how much pain we are in and how much we can/cannot handle. If you decide to abandon the experiment, apologize profusely, buy us a hot fudge sundae, make us dinner, and give us a back massage.

Parenting Natually on a Budget Part 2: Food

I don't know how any family can afford to buy all their food organic! If you can, kudos to you. If not, you're in the same boat I am, and the best thing you can do is prioritize.

You've probably heard that pesticides can have a devastating impact on our bodies. So, if possible, buy organic fruits and vegetables that have the highest amount of pesticides when raised conventionally. These include peaches, apples, sweet bell peppers, celery, nectarines, strawberries, cherries, pears, imported grapes, spinach, lettuce, potatoes, carrots, green beans, hot peppers, cucumbers, raspberries, plums, domestic grapes, and oranges. However, I don't worry about buying organic bananas, unless I plan on eating the peel!

If you can, buy directly from the farmer. Free-range eggs have much more nutritional value than the traditional cooped-up chickens can produce, but "free range eggs" at the grocery store might not really be any more nutritious than their competitors (and they will be higher priced!) This is because there are such lax laws about what constitutes "free range." So, if you can see chickens wandering around eating grass and bugs, and buy from that farmer, you're sure to get your money's worth and your body will get its nutrients. Also, buying directly from the farmer can save you a bunch of money, especially with bulk items, because prices are marked up in stores, and their products are fresher, and local!

Another option is to learn how to preserve produce yourself... freezing, drying, and canning... and then buy food in season and preserve it! I buy a half bushel of organic peaches in August when they are in season (through a co-op, which cuts me a deal) and then cut them up and freeze them in apple juice. I have frozen peaches to last me the winter.

There is no substitute for simply learning good nutrition and how to cook things from scratch. Unfortunately, you can buy all the organic cookies you want and still be unhealthy. The internet is a wealth of information on health and nutrition, although you can get bogged down in the "trends." My advice is to stick to advice at least 5 years old that the current experts agree on... and cook from scratch whenever possible. If you avoid the "trends," your pocketbook will thank you. And if you cook from scratch, you can often buy in bulk, make a large batch at one time, and then freeze/refrigerate meals to thaw out later. Consuming less meat is a good idea... most of us eat plenty of meat as it is, and it's expensive! If you can buy meat directly from the farmer, try to get the heart and liver as well. (They are chock full of nutrients!)

Parenting Naturally on a Budget Part 1: Toys

This series was birthed by a need I've seen in the community for parents who want to become "green" but just can't afford to. And it's no wonder... with all the articles I've seen on how to parent "naturally," I figured I'd better give the low-budget parents some hope. After all, most "green" lifestyles (as portrayed in the media) are way over my budget, but it is possible to parent naturally and frugally at the same time. And since that very idea has been my goal from the start, I thought I'd share some tips with the rest of the world, starting with baby toys.

Firstly, what are baby "toys"? "Toys" are merely tools of play that babies find fascinating and parents find safe. And babies rarely find "baby toys" fascinating, and many are not actually safe! The best "toys" I've found are not really toys at all. For example, just taking my son out into the yard gives him lots of fascinating "toys" in the form of grass, dandilions, rocks, bugs, and sticks. It doesn't get any more natural than that (assuming that you don't spray your yard, and why would you if you're trying to parent naturally?). If you want to encourage a more natural lifestyle, the best place to start is in the outdoors! Children love creating rock gardens, babies love looking at (and eating) flowers, and it's quite therapeutic for mom to walk barefoot in the grass as well.

No need to buy expensive organic wooden teething rings, just strip bark off a short, stout branch and let the kid chew! (Make sure you know what kind of tree it is and that it's edible and not sprayed) Or, I've found, rhubarb stalks work wonders for this purpose. So do frozen bananas (or other fruit. Experiment!) and cold, wet washcloths. Cloth toys are easy to make if you know how to sew basic stitches, just buy a yard of organic cloth and sew it (or tie, tightly, making sure there is no extra string) closed around a ball, rice, beans, newspaper, cardboard cut outs, or whatever else you can find that's interesting and edible. Take a page out of your great-grandparent's history and make corncob dolls or gourd dolls. Let your older baby rip apart old newspapers. Build cardboard-box and bedsheet tunnels and "forts." Be creative!

Bath toys are easy to find around the house. Anything that holds water will do, especially measuring cups. Pots and pans and simple stacking blocks are great for figuring out how to make noise, stacking, and bringing things in and out of containers. These things are not expensive!

Books are especially useful to have. I think 70% of my sons' belongings consist of books. (And most are hand-me-downs.) When he was tiny, I could show him the pictures. As he started exploring, he could put the board and cloth books in his mouth. Now, he loves flipping through the pages and looking at the pictures. In the future, he can learn to read them. At the moment, I like reading them and pointing to the pictures. They are a good investment to say the least! Who knew books would be so versatile?

By all means, buy a few organic toys to put in the car and the crib. But save yourself and your wallet some stress and find or make your own "natural" baby toys.

Renfest!

The Renaissance Faire was spectacular! We performed 4 times per day in 20 minute segments. Each time we performed, we were able to draw a good-sized crowd. The pavillion was even packed full a couple times! We had a good response, and the people in charge actually want to PAY us to come back next year. :) Everyone in our group performed to their best ability, and I am really proud of all of them.

The Renfest itself was also very nice. The people were friendly, there were interesting and funny shows going on, the vendors sold unique and beautiful pieces, and we all had a good time. I'm glad to have been a part of it!

Having said that, I did miss my husband and son a lot, and I'm glad to be home. :) I don't think I want to leave Taevyn for 4 days again anytime soon, but I'm happy I got to take a little vacation and do so well in the show.